Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
