is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
