I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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