im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize