I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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