oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
