I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
