the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize