I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
