party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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