I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I love you. Go after that dick
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
