I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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