CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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