You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
