spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
