Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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