And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
