I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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