There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
