I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
