new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize