Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize