I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
