I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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