it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
