I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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