every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
