did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
North Korea, Best Korea!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
