So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
