i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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