True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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