I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
