there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
