youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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