just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize