Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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