Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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