you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
