Your face is a jimmy john
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
