You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
