I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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