You really coming over, don't trick.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
