My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize