Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
