he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
