If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
