when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
