Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
