im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
