It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
