and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
