I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
