Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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