My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
