you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
