The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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