I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
