He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
