and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
