Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
