she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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