broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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