I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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