it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So. Much. Porn.
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