his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
