I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize