We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
