It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
