we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
