No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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