I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
