We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
