I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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