Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
