I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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