just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
