I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
